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4 HUSBAND WIFE RELATIONSHIP
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Chapter 4 Husband Wife Relationship 4 2,4 13 Money The Great Mischief Maker 4 94. 4 13 1 Facing Money Problems 4 94,4 13 1 1 Ownership 4 95. 4 13 1 2 Security 4 95,4 13 1 3 Greed 4 96,4 13 1 4 Control 4 96. 4 13 2 How Should We Look at Our Money 4 97,4 13 2 1 Provide Basic Material Needs 4 97. 4 13 2 2 Support the Work of the Gospel 4 98,4 13 2 3 Help Others in Time of Need 4 98.
4 13 2 4 Enjoy the Blessings of God 4 99,4 13 3 Don t Let Money Control Your Life 4 100. 4 13 3 1 Honor the Lord First 4 100,4 13 3 2 Stay Out of Debt 4 101. 4 13 3 3 Be Content with What You Have 4 101, 4 13 3 4 Depend on the Husband father to Provide 4 102. 4 13 3 5 Invest Wisely for the Future 4 103,4 13 3 6 Live by a Budget 4 104. 4 13 3 7 Don t Worry About Material Things 4 104,4 14 Marriage and Family Counseling 4 105.
4 15 Divorce 4 109,4 15 1 What God says about it 4 109. 4 15 2 What Kids Should Do If Their Parents are Divorced 4 110. 4 15 3 Statistics on Divorce 4 111,4 16 The Humorous Side of Marriage 4 115. 4 16 1 Women s Rules for Relationships 4 115,4 16 2 Men s Rules for Relationships 4 116. 4 16 3 Marriage Dictionary 4 117,4 16 4 Letter to my Wife Husband 4 118. 4 16 5 Quotes on Marriage 4 120,4 16 6 The Five Kinds Of Sex 4 121.
4 16 7 Marriage as Slavery 4 122,4 16 8 Tips for the Marriage Minded 4 122. 4 16 9 The Marriage License 4 123,4 16 10 The Lifetime Haircut 4 123. 4 16 11 The Husband as Anti Hero 4 123, 4 16 12 How the Predatory Female Uses Guilt to Manipulate Males 4 124. Family Constitution version 1 30, Copyright Family Guardian Fellowship http famguardian org. Chapter 4 Husband Wife Relationship 4 3,4 1 Dating Etiquette.
One might ask why this subject is in the Husband Wife Relationship chapter The reason is because. dating should be undertaken with the idea of eventually getting married Any other motive will lead to. fornication which to Christians is a sin We have to date before we can get married and become. husband and wife however so we need to understand what God expects out of dating. 4 1 1 The Stages of Intimacy, Dr James Dobson in his book Love for a Lifetime describes the 12 stages of intimacy that a romantic. relationship must traverse through to reach full maturity 1. 1 Eye to body A glance reveals much about a person sex size shape age personality and status. The importance people place on these criteria determines whether or not they will be attracted to. each other, 2 Eye to eye When the man and woman who are strangers to each other exchange glances their most. natural reaction is to look away usually with embarrassment If their eyes meet again they may. smile which signals that they might like to become better acquainted. 3 Voice to voice Their initial conversations are trivial and include questions like What is your. name or What do you do for a living During this long stage the two people learn about each. other s opinions pastimes activities habits hobbies likes and dislikes If they re compatible they. become friends, 4 Hand to hand The first instance of physical contact between the couple is usually a nonromantic. occasion such as when the man helps the woman descends a high step or aids her across an. obstacle At this point either of the individuals can withdraw from the relationship without. rejecting the other However if continued hand to hand contact will eventually become an. evidence of the couple s romantic attachment to each other. 5 Hand to shoulder This affectionate embrace is still noncommittal It is a buddy type position in. which the man and woman are side by side They are more concerned with the world in front of. them than they are with each other The hand to shoulder contact reveals a relationship that is. more than a close friendship but probably not real love. 6 Hand to waist Because this is something two people of the same sex would not ordinarily do it is. clearly romantic They are close enough to be sharing secrets or intimate language with each other. Yet as they walk side by side with hand to waist they are still facing forward. 7 Face to face This level of contact involves gazing into one another s eyes hugging and kissing If. none of the previous steps were skipped the man and woman will have developed a special code. from experience that enables them to engage in deep communication with very few words At this. point sexual desire becomes and important factor in the relationship. 8 Hand to head This is an extension of the previous stage The man and woman tend to cradle or. stroke each other s head while kissing or talking Rarely do individuals in our culture touch the. head of another person unless they are either romantically involved or are family members It is a. designation of emotional closeness, 9 12 The final steps The last four levels of involvement are distinctly sexual and private They are. 9 Hand to body 10 Mouth to Breast 11 Touching below the waist and 12 Intercourse. Love for a Lifetime Dr James Dobson Multnomah Press 1987 ISBN 0 88070 174 9 pp 32 34. Family Constitution version 1 30, Copyright Family Guardian Fellowship http famguardian org.
Chapter 4 Husband Wife Relationship 4 4, Obviously the final acts of physical contact should be reserved for the marital relationship. since they are progressively sexual and intensely personal. The steps of intimacy described above must proceed slowly if a male female relationship is to achieve. its full potential When two people love each other deeply and are committed for life they have. usually developed a great volume of understandings or shared expectations between them that would. be considered insignificant to anyone else They share countless private memories unknown to the rest. of the world That is in large measure where their sense of specialness to one another originates. Furthermore the critical factor is that they have taken these steps in sequence When later stages are. reached prematurely such as when couples kiss passionately on the first date or have sexual. intercourse before marriage something precious is lost from the relationship Instead their courtship. should be nurtured through leisurely walks and talks and lovers secrets that lay the foundation for. mutual intimacy Now we can see how the present environment of sexual permissiveness and lust. serves to weaken the institution of marriage and undermine the stability of the family. Before we tuck away this understanding of bonded commitments we should emphasize that this. concept applies not only to courtship experiences The most successful marriages are those wherein. husbands and wives journey through the twelve steps regularly in their daily lives Touching and. talking and holding hands and gazing into one another s eyes and building memories are as important. to partners in their mid life years as rambunctious twenty year olds Indeed the best way to invigorate. a tired sex life is to walk through the twelve steps of courtship regularly and with gusto Conversely. when sexual intercourse is experienced without the stages of intimacy that should have preceded it in. prior days the woman is likely to feel used and abused To those who are already married and now. regret that the stages of bonding were taken out of order or that important steps were skipped. altogether it is not too late to work your way through them anew I know of no better way to draw. close to the person you love, Intimacy must proceed slowly if a relationship is to achieve its full. 4 1 2 General Sexual Guidelines for Dating2,Below are some basic guidelines about dating. 1 Sexual intercourse outside of marriage is forbidden by the word of God This type of sin is called. fornication in the Bible Scriptures in the Bible that forbid this include. 1 1 1 Cor 6 18 Flee fornication Every sin that a man doeth is without the body but he that. committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. 1 2 1 Thess 4 3 6 For this is the will of God your sanctification that you should abstain from. sexual immorality that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in. sanctification and honor not in passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God that no. one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter because the Lord is. avenger of all such as we have forewarned you and testified. 2 Don t rush the courtship period when you feel you have found the one and only Frank Sinatra. said it musically Take it nice and easy making all the stops along the way At least a year is. needed to allow the bonding process to occur and even longer in some cases. Love for a Lifetime Dr James Dobson Multnomah Press 1987 ISBN 0 88070 174 9 pp 35 36. Family Constitution version 1 30, Copyright Family Guardian Fellowship http famguardian org. Chapter 4 Husband Wife Relationship 4 5, 3 Ensure that you will be equally yoked to someone who has the same spiritual beliefs as you 2 Cor.
6 14 This means if you are a Christian then you should marry a Christian Likewise even. prospective spouses who are Christians should only seek a spouse who has the same degree of. spiritual commitment as them, 4 Make the final choice of a marital partner very carefully and prayerfully never impulsively or. recklessly You are playing for keeps now Bring to bear every ounce of intelligence and. discretion available to you and then yield the ultimate decision to the will of the Lord He will. guide you if you don t run ahead of Him, 5 Proceed through the first nine stages of intimacy one at a time and in the order indicated. 6 Do not progress to stages 10 12 before marriage Enter the marriage bed as a virgin If it s too. late to preserve your virginity initiate a policy of abstinence today and don t waiver from it until. you are wed, 7 Seek to marry a virgin This mutual purity gives special meaning to sex in marriage No other. human being has invaded the secret world that the two of you share because you reserved. yourselves exclusively for one another s pleasure and love By following this Biblical plan you. also protect the reproduction system form new viruses bacteria and fungi transmitted during casual. intercourse It is now known that when you sleep with a promiscuous partner you are having sex. with every person that individual has slept with in the past ten years Virginity before marriage is. by far the healthiest approach, 8 Remain faithful to your marriage partner for life No exceptions. 9 Continue to meander through the stages of bonding throughout your married life enjoying the. wonder of intimate love, 4 1 3 Principles of Loving Toughness During Courtship Dating3.
Below are sixteen suggestions that will help you conform to the principles of loving toughness in. matters of dating and courtship and secure a lasting and loving relationship firmly rooted in mutual. respect maturity and responsibility, 1 Don t let the relationship move too fast in its infancy The phrase too hot not to cool down has. validity Take it one step at a time, 2 Don t discuss your personal inadequacies and flaws in great detail when the relationship is new No. matter how warm and accepting your friend may be any great revelation of low self esteem or. embarrassing weaknesses can be fatal when interpersonal valleys occur And they will occur. 3 Remember that respect precedes love Built it stone upon stone. 4 Don t call too often on the phone or give the other person an opportunity to get tired of you. 5 Don t be too quick to reveal your desire to get married or that you think you ve just found Mr. Wonderful or Miss Marvelous If your partner has not arrived at the same conclusion you ll throw. him or her into panic, 6 Most important Relationships are constantly being tested by cautious lovers who like to nibble at. the bait before swallowing the hook This testing procedure takes many forms but is usually. involves pulling backward from the other person to see what will happen Perhaps a foolish fight is. initiated Maybe two weeks will pass without a phone call Or sometimes flirtation occurs with a. rival In each instance the question being asked is How important am I to you and what would. you do if you lost me An even more basic issue lies below that one It wants to know How. Portions from Love Must Be Tough Dr James Dobson Word Publishing 1983 ISBN 0 8499 0348 3 pp 190 193. Family Constitution version 1 30, Copyright Family Guardian Fellowship http famguardian org. Chapter 4 Husband Wife Relationship 4 6, free am I to leave if I want to It is incredibly important in these instances to appear poised.
secure and equally independent Do not grasp the other person and beg for mercy Some people. remain single throughout life because they cannot resist the temptation to grovel when the test. 7 Extending the same concept keep in mind that virtually every dating relationship that continues for. a year or more and seems to be moving toward marriage will be given the ultimate test A breakup. will occur motivated by only one of the lovers The rejected individual should know that their. future together depends on the skill with which he she handles that crisis If the hurting individual. can remain calm the next two steps may be reconciliation and marriage It often happens that way. If not then no amount of pleading will change anything. 8 Do not expect anyone to meet all your emotional needs Maintain interests and activities outside. that romantic relationship even after marriage, 9 Guard against selfishness in your love affair Neither the man nor the woman should do all the. giving I once broke up with a girl because she let me take her to nice places bring her flowers. buy her lunch etc I wanted to do these things but expected her to reciprocate in some way She. didn t and that was a clear sign to me that she would have made a fickle and demanding marital. 10 Beware of blindness to obvious warning signs that tell you that your potential husband or wife is. basically disloyal hateful spiritually committed hooked on drugs or alcohol given to selfishness. etc Believe me a bad marriage is far worse than the most lonely instance of singleness. 11 Don t marry the person you think you can live with marry only the individual you think you can t. live without, 12 Be careful to defend the line of respect even during a dating relationship A man should open. doors for a woman on a formal evening a woman should speak respectfully of her escort when in. public etc If you don t preserve this delicate line when the foundations of marriage are being laid. it will be virtually impossible to construct them later. 13 Do not equate human worth with flawless beauty or handsomeness If you require physical. perfection in your mate he or she will make the same demands of you Don t let love escape you. because of the false values of your culture In the same vein be careful not to compare yourself. with others which is the root of all inferiority Likewise it should be a cause of great concern to. you if your dating partner likes to compare you to others This can lead to emotional abuse later. 14 Regardless of how brilliant the love affair has been take time to check your assumptions with. your partner before committing yourself to marriage It is surprising how often men and women. plunge toward matrimony without ever becoming aware of major differences in expectation. between them For example, 14 1 Do you want to have children How soon How many. 14 2 Where will you live, 14 3 Will the wife work How soon How about after the children are born. 14 4 Who will lead in the relationship What does that really mean. 14 5 How ill you relate to your in laws,14 6 How will money be spent.
14 7 Where will you attend church, These and dozens of other assumptions should be discussed item by item perhaps with the help. of a premarital counselor Many future struggles can be avoided by coming to terms with potential. areas of disagreement If the differences are great enough it is even possible that the marriage. should never occur, 15 Finally sexual familiarity can be deadly to a relationship In addition to the many moral spiritual. and physical reasons for remaining virgins until marriage there are numerous psychological and. Family Constitution version 1 30, Copyright Family Guardian Fellowship http famguardian org. Chapter 4 Husband Wife Relationship 4 7, interpersonal advantages to the exercise of self control and discipline Though it s an old fashioned. notion perhaps it is still true that men do not respect easy women and often become bored with. those who have held noting in reserve Likewise women often disrespect men who have only one. thing on their minds Both sexes need to remember how to use a very ancient word It s. pronounced NO, 4 1 4 Guidelines for Parents Dealing with Dating Children.
1 Parents be best friends with your children and talk about dating issues When you can be friends. with your children and have a clear path of communication it is much easier to discuss sensitive. personal issues such as intimacy and sex with them Also when parents have a good relationship. with their children then they have more on deposit in the emotional bank account with their. children that will be useful later should they need to make a withdrawal in the process of correcting. bad behavior of their children though rebuke reproof or exhortation. 2 Parents should talk candidly about sex with their teenage children They should warn their children. about the drastic consequences of sexual sin and fornication and why they should avoid it at all. costs Talk about your own experiences in dating and courtship with your children and the. boundaries you set and why but in an age appropriate manner that does not offend them or give. them more than they can handle Watch over them and keep them out of trouble. 3 To counteract the popular culture remind them that the safest sex is no sex before marriage. 4 2 Premarital Inventory and Planning, Before you marry there are a lot of things you need to understand about each other As we said. before you should make your choice of marital partner very carefully and prayerfully You can t do. this without a lot of information about your prospective spouse This section is devoted to facilitating. the process of getting to know your spouse better to ensure that you make a wise and informed choice. because it may be the most important decision of your lifetime and of the lifetimes of your children. and their children,4 2 1 Questions to ask a prospective spouse. 4 2 1 1 Family Background, You re just like your mother You act the same way your father does These common statements. are heard time and time again In many respects we are a product of our environment for our family. backgrounds do affect our lives, The way our parents treated us many times affects the way we will treat our spouse Family traditions. or the lack of traditions will influence our future marriage The social and financial status of our. childhood years plays an important part in our adult thinking. How much do you know about the family background of your future marriage partner Are there. potential problem areas It has been said that when you marry you marry the family How well do. you know your fiance s family Are you accepted by them How well do they know you. Family Constitution version 1 30, Copyright Family Guardian Fellowship http famguardian org.
Chapter 4 Husband Wife Relationship 4 8, Answer the following questions and then discuss them together Your discussions may trigger other. family background questions which will hopefully help you gain a deeper insight into each other and. your families, 1 How old were your parents when you were born Father Mother. 2 List your brothers and sisters in order of birth and include yourself. 3 Were your parents ever Separated Divorced Widowed. How old were you at the time,My parent s divorce affected me by. Who raised you Father Mother,4 My parents are still living Yes No. 5 My parents occupations are, 6 I would describe my parents marriage as Very poor Sometimes troubled Middle of the.
road Usually happy Very happy, 7 I feel the leader in my home was Father Mother Neither They fought for leadership. 8 Describe your relationship with your,Father Mother. Affectionate Affectionate,Accepted Accepted,Tolerated Tolerated. Rejected Rejected,Persecuted Persecuted,Other Other. 9 Describe the discipline of your,Father Mother,Domineering Domineering.
Strict Strict,Family Constitution version 1 30, Copyright Family Guardian Fellowship http famguardian org. Chapter 4 Husband Wife Relationship 4 9,Firm but kindly Firm but kindly. Permissive Permissive,Indulgent Indulgent,Other Other. 10 I would describe my childhood as, Very poor Sometimes troubled Middle of the road Usually happy Very happy. 11 My parents think my marriage is,12 My parent s opinions towards my fiance are.
13 Regarding my marriage the parents of my fiance think that. 14 The type of relationship I have with the parts of my fiance is. 15 I see the following potential trouble points with my in laws. 16 When I encounter difficulties with my in laws I will. 17 I think the following traditions and family traits of my family will affect my marriage. 18 After my marriage if we live in the same house with my in laws I will. 19 When my in laws give advice I will,20 I have the following questions about in laws. Family Constitution version 1 30, Copyright Family Guardian Fellowship http famguardian org. Chapter 4 Husband Wife Relationship 4 10,4 2 1 2 Sexuality4. The following questions are frank and deal with common problems encountered in giving sexual. counseling Most couples do not talk about sexual matters very deeply even after they are married. These questions deal with real issues A great deal of frustration hurt fear and anger could be. eliminated if these issues were faced by the couple before they became crisis points in what is designed. by God to be a most beautiful experience, May I encourage you to discuss together the following questions. 1 Have you had a physical examination for your marriage Yes No. 2 Do you have any health problems Explain,3 At this particular time I think about sex.
3 1 Seldom,3 2 Periodically,3 3 Frequently,3 4 Regularly. 4 My present feelings about sex are Disturbed Fearful Anxious Neutral Expectant. Excited Intrigued, 5 Do you have any sexual inhibitions fears or awkward feelings Explain. 6 What was your first impression of your parent s sex life Fulfilling Warm Casual. Neutral Tolerant Cold Empty, 7 Were you the victim of any unpleasant sexual experience as a child adolescent or adult No. Indecent exposure Homosexual Molested Raped Incest. 8 Who do you think is responsible for birth control Husband Wife Both. 9 In planning to postpone having children the form of birth control method I prefer is Withdrawal. Rhythm Douche Foam Vaginal suppositories Contraceptive jelly Condom. Diaphragm Cervical Cap IUD Birth control pills Vasectomy Hysterectomy. 10 Who do you think should initiate sexual, How Can I Be Sure Bob Phillips 1978 pp 81 96 Harvest House Publishers Eugene Oregon ISBN 0 89081 073 7. Family Constitution version 1 30, Copyright Family Guardian Fellowship http famguardian org.
Chapter 4 Husband Wife Relationship 4 11, 11 Who do you think should determine the way the place how often length of time and variety of. 12 How do you feel about seeing your partner, 13 How do you feel about having your partner seeing you. 14 State your thoughts about the following,Lip kissing. Tongue kissing,Your partner kissing your body,Kissing of your partner s body. Caressing your partner s body,Your partner caressing your body.
Kissing of your partner s genitals,Your partner kissing your genitals. Bringing your partner to a climax by hand,Your partner bringing you to a climax by hand. Bringing your partner to a climax by oral stimulation. Your partner bringing you to a climax by oral stimulation. 15 How important do you think simultaneous orgasm is. 16 A woman reaches orgasm by,Family Constitution version 1 30. Copyright Family Guardian Fellowship http famguardian org. Chapter 4 Husband Wife Relationship 4 12, 17 Why is it important to communicate about sexual desires. 18 Why is it important to verbally tell your partner what stimulates you sexually. 19 What are your thoughts about intercourse during the wife s menstrual period. 20 What type of menstrual period do you does your fiance have. 21 How many times per week do you think that you would like to have. intercourse,22 I think the act of intercourse should last.
23 I would prefer a lovemaking environment that includes lighting music etc. 24 Privacy in lovemaking is important because, 25 At what time of day should lovemaking take place. 26 What are your thoughts as to where lovemaking should take place. 27 What are your thoughts about various positions in. intercourse, 28 What will you do if you find the man has difficulty in maintaining erection. 29 What will you do if you find the man has difficulty with premature ejaculation. Family Constitution version 1 30, Copyright Family Guardian Fellowship http famguardian org. Chapter 4 Husband Wife Relationship 4 13, 30 What will you do when you find the woman cannot reach a climax. 31 What will you do if you find the woman cannot reach a climax with the penis inserted into the. 32 How important do you thing the act of intercourse is on the Honeymoon. 33 What will you do when you find the husband cannot make entrance into his wife and complete the. act of intercourse due to the tightened vaginal muscles or pain in the vaginal area. 34 Suppose that you have been married for a period of time and one day you discover your mate. masterbating What will you do, 35 Tell what you might do if you find that your partner does not like the act of intercourse.
36 How do men and women differ in their readiness for sexual climax. 37 If and when I discovered my partner was romantically interested in another person I would. 38 Why are things like words gentle touch and kind deeds important in the lovemaking process. 39 Do you think that you will be able to refuse sexual requests of your partner without offending. him her Yes No Uncertain,What will you say, 40 How much bathroom privacy do you feel is needed. Family Constitution version 1 30, Copyright Family Guardian Fellowship http famguardian org. Chapter 4 Husband Wife Relationship 4 14, 41 I have a lack of sexual knowledge in the following areas. 42 How tense are you as you answer these questions. 43 Do you believe in counseling for sexual problems Yes No Uncertain. 44 Who would you feel free to talk with concerning sexual problems. 45 After reading 1 Corinthians 6 15 20 and 1 Thessalonians 4 1 8 state what you think is God s view. of premarital intercourse, 46 In Hebrews 13 4 it says Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure I. think this means, 47 After reading 1 Corinthians 7 3 5 the concept I think the writer is trying to convey is.
48 I have the following questions about sexual matters. 4 2 1 3 Children, In many premarital counseling programs the issue of child rearing is not dealt with in great detail This. is usually because of a time factor and because most couples are more concerned with immediate. issues such as finances marriage plans and the sexual side of marriage. Some couples don not plan for children or use forms of birth control Others can t wait to have. children What are your thoughts Do you feel you should have children right away or do you plan to. get to know your marriage partner better before having children How long should a couple wait. The questions listed below are designed to help you formulate your thoughts and verbally set forth a. plan for child rearing Share together your thinking in this important area of marriage. 1 Do you plan to have children Yes No Undecided,2 How many children would you like to have. Family Constitution version 1 30, Copyright Family Guardian Fellowship http famguardian org. Chapter 4 Husband Wife Relationship 4 15, 3 How long would you like to wait before having children. 4 Should a couple wait until they can afford to have children Yes No Undecided. 5 I feel that it is important for the father to be present at the birth of the child Yes No. 6 If we cannot have children my feelings about adoption are. 7 What are your feelings if you would have only boys or only girls. 8 How much should a husband participate in the care of a baby. 9 What are your feelings toward sharing equally in all of the activities of care and raising of children. feeding changing diapers late night responsibilities etc. 10 The names of children should be determined by, 11 The responsibility for the discipline of the children lies with Husband Wife Both.
12 I want my children to learn the following values rules and characteristics. 13 My parents used the following discipline with me. 14 I will want to discipline my children in the following ways. Early years,Middle years,Teen years, 15 Who should be responsible for assisting children with homework Husband Wife Both. 16 My thoughts with regard to leaving children with baby sitters are. Family Constitution version 1 30, Copyright Family Guardian Fellowship http famguardian org.


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